The because i am an awful person blog is a project designed to let people share stories, in an anonymous environment, about times when words, thoughts, feelings, actions or inactions have left them feeling less than human. Greed, lust, pride, egoism, jealousy, apathy - as humans we are taught these traits (along with many others) are less than ideal qualities in an individual. Equally, as humans we are going to experience these emotions and display these traits more than once in our lifetime, yet we are often ill equipped to deal with these experiences on a personal level. In a world where appearances matter how do we deal with the times when we have failed to live up those expectations? How do we deal with the times when we have failed to live up our own expectations? Do we ever truly forgive ourselves for the times we have failed ourselves and others? This is a place for baggage. This is a place for airing dirty laundry and shameful secrets. This is a place where the darker side of our humanity is laid out and examined for what it is. Hopefully this is also a place where some may find peace, forgiveness or acceptance of themselves, their past and all sides of their humanity.
I will admit, there is an amount of self-interest on the blog owner's part in this whole project. At the tender age of 22 I am struggling with the thought that deep down, I am actually not a good person. I struggle with my failings daily. I let them define me as a person and I let them overshadow my good qualities, my successes and I let them inform my self-worth. I want to make peace with my frailties, learn from my failures and stop beating myself up for past mistakes. I think this is something that many people need to do.
Also, the creation of this project was inspired by this particular Qwantz comic by one Mr Ryan North, especially the second sentence of the fifth panel -
Nothing's more depressing than realizing that you can't live up to your own hopes, that you'll never live out your dreams, that you probably let those you care about down everyday.
This sentence hits me hard each time I read it because in my fantasy world of hopes and dreams I do not fail or hurt others or act in irrational ways or make mistakes. In that world I am perfect. In reality I am human. I have failed, I will fail again. I have hurt, I will hurt again. In reality I may fulfil my goals, hopes and dreams but I will still fail, I will still hurt others. I will still be human and I need to make peace with that.
If you have a story, anecdote, reflection, response or predilection for schadenfreude that you would like to share anonymously then please email me: becauseiamawful@gmail.com . All stories will be posted under the pen name anonymous unless you have a particular pseudonym you wish the story to be published under.
Here's hoping this project will take off.
wench
